How to move on with your life after getting a negative comment from someone?
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If you've received a negative comment from someone in the past, this comment, even a small one, can stick with us for a long time. Unfortunately, it can also start a host of unhealthy habits and behaviors, like starting to control our bodies via unhealthy eating (or rather, not eating…) and over exercising.
Our Body And Mind Are Not Separate!
Many great writers say that there's no such thing as separation of our body and mind. They're actually the same thing, and it can be called the mindbody. I really like this idea. We put so much focus on shaping, sculpting and later healing our physical bodies, but often neglecting what needs to be done for our mind.
That's why I like to talk about mindset too. Without this piece, full healing can't happen.
“Your Nose Is Ugly”
Just like you, have had a few of these experiences that I really let get into my head where they lived their life for way too many years.
Years ago, a guy told me that I have the weirdest nose and that he has never seen anything like this before.
This comment stuck with me for a long time. I tried to hide my nose, avoided being seen from the side, tried to figure out how to use my hair to cover my nose.
Looking back, it's kind of ridiculous because there is no way I could hide my nose. There's also no way for me to control other people's opinions. I had to make the change inside of me.
Your Experience Is Valid
First off, I want to tell you that I completely understand that negative comments are hurtful. There's nothing wrong with you when you feel hurt. Some people can brush these comments off, others continue thinking about them so that these moments keep hurting them.
It is okay, and it is necessary, to feel what we feel and process what needs to be processed.
And then, we have to take action so that the comments can't affect us forever. Here are 4 tips that help you do so.
The Thought Lives Within Us As Long As We Keep Feeding It.
This negative thought can only stay alive if we fuel it. How do we fuel it? By thinking about it over, and over, and over again. Analyzing every moment of the situation. Going back to it every now and then. Not paying attention when it happens.
This is how we keep it alive. And if we want to live better, we have to starve this thought. Stop giving it fuel. Noticing when the thought comes up, and telling ourselves: I am not engaging with it.
2. The Present Moment Is Always More Powerful Than the Past.
What happens in the past, was in the past. That way, it can't keep hurting us if we choose to focus on the present moment.
Right this moment, ask yourself: Is there someone threatening me right now? Is there someone being mean to me right this minute? Is there anyone harming me right now?
Focus on the NOW and you see that you are safe. Carry this presence, the NOW with you all the time and the past can't hurt you anymore.
3. Whatever We Practice A Lot, We Get Better At.
If we constantly practice thinking about that negative experience, we get really good at dwelling on it. That way, there's no way how we can start feeling better.
Luckily, it goes the other way too. The more we think good thoughts, the better we get at that too. So why not to think good thoughts instead?
We don't have to think ultra positive thoughts that feel unrealistic or unachievable (although, I do believe that anything is possible and nothing is too far out of reach!). But we can tell yourself simple things, like: I am healthy, I have enough of everything, I am worthy, I have plenty of everything for myself and to share with others as well.
When we keep thinking this way, the negativity starts to dissipate and will no longer own you.
4. We Are Responsible For Our Lives.
We can blame others or past events, but at the end of the day, doing so is very toxic and also unhelpful.
I once talked to a woman who said that all her body obsessions and messed up relationships with food and exercise were because the society and the culture are so hard on her.
Of course, our culture and society can be very hard on us.
And, we still have the choice. The choice to not engage with this culture, these people, these memories, that don't serve us.
It's built in to our nature to be right. To say: Things are bad because X did that. But at the end of the day, this is never going to help. No one is coming and changing the way we live our lives. No one can do the healing for us. It's our responsibility, and we can see it as something completely impossible (and keep blaming), or we can see it as a possibility!
Past experiences with negative people who have commented our looks, intelligence, or whatever else, can be harmful. A lot of times we feel the need to “fix” them by starting to control our food, fitness and bodies to the point where the things that were supposed to be healthy, become unhealthy because of our obsession with them.
It does not have to be this way. Remember that you have the choice to make your life different. This realization is very empowering!
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Thank you, very powerful and helpful information. I plan to share this with my daughter who is 11 and struggles with negative thoughts and anxiety.