We all want to be confident, don't we?
There are several good reasons why being confident is cool:
- Being confident allows us to work toward our dreams.
- Confident people don't care what others think about them. It doesn't mean they are rude; they just do their own thing.
- Confident people believe in themselves and therefore, accomplish more in their lives.
- People who are confident experience more in life, because they are not constantly worrying and doubting about themselves.
- Confident people are just so darn attractive. Inside and out.
You Really Are Awesome
Have you noticed that so many people who are really awesome, actually lack confidence? They don't know or they don't believe that they are that great. In their opinion, everybody else is better than them and they are not worth anything.
People like that seem almost guilty if you tell them something nice that you truly mean. The typical response is,
Me? No way! I'm not actually that good… YOU are awesome!
Instead of accepting the kind words and saying thank you, they reject it.
I did that for a long time too, until someone started responding to my compliments the same way. That opened my eyes, because he made me feel like what I was saying was not true and like my words meant nothing to him. It felt offensive. Think about it the next time when you turn down a compliment that came from the heart!
You Are Enough
I'm sure you have this friend who is in a great shape but thinks she has to lose fat.
Do you know this girl who is in an unhappy relationship but won't break up with her boyfrind because what if she will stay alone for the rest of her life?
We all know someone who works her butt off to be awesome in her job but still thinks that it's her fault when things don't work out.
And I'm sure you know many people who keep talking about quitting this crappy work they are doing, but never do so because they don't think they can find anything better.
Or maybe you are one of those people?
There may be several reasons why people who have every reason to be confident, think they are worth nothing. Maybe their parents had extremely high expectations of them. Maybe their brother or sister was always better than them, and they never felt like they were enough. Perhaps they never get attention and appreciation at work, no matter how hard they try.
But you want to be more confident, because confidence opens so many doors. It makes your life better. It makes you happier.
I Was Never Confident
I was never confident either. I was one of those people who my friends described as smart, witty and in a good shape, but who never believed it.
I went through depression and had disordered eating habits. Sure, there are many reasons why these things happened, but it all comes down to issues with confidence. I pushed myself to extremes because I was lacking confidence and didn't know how to solve the problems that I was having. Instead, I tried to numb myself with unhealthy behaviors like working out too much and eating too little.
Let's Get Confident
If you have read that far, the chances are that you feel that you too could use a little boost of confidence. Here are seven steps that have helped me to build more confidence.
- Make the decision to be confident. You may say, I wish it was that easy! How can I just decide about that? Well, I believe you can. We need to start saying to ourselves that we are strong, smart, beautiful and capable of whatever we want to do. Just recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a really strong and confident person. I know her long enough to remember that when we first met, she was pretty unconfident young woman with so many fears. But she assures that the huge mindset shift happened when she actually made the conscious decision of becoming confident. Let me repeat, it was a decision.
- Do what you truly want. When you are doing things that you don't enjoy, it's hard to be good at them. If you are not good, you can't be confident either. For example, in my previous job, I always felt super insecure about my skills and knowledge. I should have known what I was doing, right?! But I never really felt that I knew, because I didn't love what I was doing. I got a whole lot more confident when I changed my career and became a personal trainer. I learn new things all the time, because health and fitness is something that I'm truly interested in.
- Make your own decisions and take responsibility for them. I remember my high school teacher's advice on our graduation: Keep your eyes and ears open, listen what others have to say, but make your decisions yourself. That was a great advice that I unfortunately neglected for a long time. There are so many things in my life that I've done just because someone I trust, honor and see as an authority has suggested me to do. I let others decide about my life, instead of making my own decisions. I didn't want to take responsibility. If you are not taking responsibility, you don't grow confident.
- Say your goals out loud. By saying out what you dream about and what you want from life, you make more conscious decision to start working toward these goals. Have you noticed how elite athletes almost never say that they go to a race “just to give their best and to see what happens”? No way! They say that they go there to win. By saying things out loud, they are preparing themselves to succeed.
- Work out. Find the activity that you enjoy and do that a lot. Get better. Push your limits. Find out where they are. When you are doing 1 minute burpees, then don't stop when it's 59 seconds. Push until the last second. Pushing your limits, seeing what you are capable of, getting stronger, faster and learning skills that you never thought you can do is a huge confidence builder.
- Don't listen to those who don't believe in you. If someone tries to tell you that your goals are stupid, it's probably better to let those people go. If that's too hard or even impossible (maybe it's a family member), then just avoid talking about that particular topic. Instead, let's surround ourselves with people who lift us up, who support us and who wish us well.
- Stop belittling yourself. I used to belittle myself all the time. When I became a personal trainer and people asked me what I'm doing for work, I said something like this: Well, I'm a personal trainer but I just started, so I don't have a whole lot experience, and I actually have only one client, and we'll see where if this is going to take me anywhere at all… Most of that information was absolutely unnecessary. I sounded like I was ashamed of what I was doing, even though I knew that changing my career was one of the best decisions I had made in my whole adult life. Even if I felt insecure, even if I had only one client and very little experience as a trainer – so what? By being so apologetic I was just instilling myself how unexperienced I was and how I was probably never going to have more clients.
Stop apologizing and start believing! I know that it's hard to change if you are used to belittle yourself, but just like any other habit, building confidence takes time.
Thinking the right way is a huge game changer. Positive thinking alone can build and strengthen your confidence. Remember the first point here: Becoming confident is a choice and conscious decision.
Do you consider yourself confident person? What has helped you to build confidence?
Share your tips!